To All My Single Ladies

To All My Single Ladies,

It can be so easy.

Right?

So easy to see the circumstances of others. So easy to turn over and over in your own thoughts.  So easy to discontinue the reassurance from friends and family. So easy to watch too many movies, listen to too many songs.  So easy to let media convince you that something is wrong.  They’re all just paint splatters against your own blank canvas.   It can feel like you will wait an eternity before your own picture is painted.  Your picture perfect life has been shaped in your mind since the age of nine, and things don’t seem to be going quite like you planned. Anxiety and manipulating memories of past experiences can leave you feeling breathless and wondering if you’ve made the wrong choices.  If you were more aggressive then you could have found what you are looking for by now.  If you were ready to compromise or wear your shirt a little tighter to please his eyes, you would be happier. You would be complete. Your mind can slip into a verdict telling you that if your waist was smaller or your hair was straighter or if you would laugh at the right jokes then maybe… If your standards were lower or if you settle then maybe… maybe he would be here by now.

Comparison truly is the thief of joy.

But in trusting our Jesus is the abundance of life.

I’ve spent so much time thinking about this topic recently.  It only takes a split second of lost focus for your own flesh and the world to slip in and overwhelm you with doubt.  In every other area of life it can be so easy to trust God because we can keep tabs on what He is doing.  In our educations, our jobs, our finances, our friendships – we can see those things and how they are changing as we continue to pursue God’s will in them.  We have what we can perceive as tangible evidence that everything is in our favor and under control.  We can trust God in those areas but we can rest at ease because they are at least slightly based within our own investments and productivity.  They are products of God’s grace as He moves through us to change our lives and the lives of others.  Jesus can still have his hands on the wheel and His foot on the pedal. We can still sit there like little girls in daddy’s lap in the driver’s seat and feel like we at least get to have some part in the driving with our little hands safely covered by His as we pretend to steer. 

But being in a season of waiting on God within singleness seems like a whole other ballpark, doesn’t it? There is no seeing past the driving wheel, no hands pretending to steer, no idea of how fast we are headed towards our destination.  

There are really only two common scenarios in which the passenger doesn’t know where they are going.  As I talk to more women in this stage of life, I have found that they perfectly describe the general consensus of expectations, too.  Either you can feel like you are being taken to an exciting surprise or a dog as she is about to get spayed. 

 Isn’t that the truth?

And I don’t know about you, ladies, but it takes me all but 3 seconds of a pity-party to start to think that in this grand, blind-sided drive I am a dog waiting to arrive at a destination of disappointment and permanent removal of all my little heart wanted.  Like a dog in heat for the last time, it can be so easy for us to eagerly search out our own answers.  We can try to take matters in our own hands. We can try and make things happen in the wrong timing, and we can try to sell ourselves short of what God had planned because we think it will be better.

Believe me, I know how easy it is to think this way.  But I know our Father and I know that He hasn’t given you a beating heart for Him to short change you.  2 Timothy promises that even when we are faithless, He is faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.  I love that even in our moments of doubt it does not change the hope we can forever set in our Father and His eternal love for us.  The bible promises that God is love.  I promise you that you can trust in His definition of it and His plans for you! Our God is not the God of surprise vet-visits that leave us desperate and disappointed.  Far from it, sweet daughter, our Father is the God of gifts beyond measure.  It is time for you to lift your eyes and lift your heart, because I know whatever is waiting on the other side of this ride is more than you can imagine and more than you dreamed.  Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, because you were fearfully and wonderfully made and He did not create you in perfection so that the life that He has planned for you would be any less.  I know we live in a fallen world, but I too know full well that we serve a perfect God.  Leave your marriage in His hands.  He is the greatest love story ever told and His love and life is available to you now. 

Waiting on God is a beautiful place to be.  Rest.  This is not in your hands nor will it ever be, but rest. Raise your head.  I love that God always so much more values the journey than the destination, because that gives me hope for this moment while we wait.  You have to realize that our fears and anxiety in waiting on God is not found in the lack of a man in our lives but the lack of trust and focused love on the One who already is. I am beyond thankful to know that God is not going to give me anything that is going to take away from my love for Him.  His grace is sufficient and His love is extravagant, and nothing else will ever match it.  Praise you, my God, that you are crafting my heart to be still ever set on you.

The great I Am is for you and has never once been against you.  The beautiful thing about God in the midst of this is that God is far too in love with you to give you anything He knows is not best for you.  He would not place a man in your life if He knew that you aren’t close enough with Him yet and that this person would become an idol of your life.  He would not place him in your path if He knew that you and he were not the people you needed to be yet to best complement one another in pursuit of the heart of God.  He will not give you that person until you have surrendered yourself to Him so much so that you will always love Him more than you could love a man.  He will not give you that person until they will love you with a heart that echoes the love of Christ.  He has plans for you to give you a hope and a future, not to harm you.  I am so thankful that we can set or hearts on Jeremiah 29:11 time and time again, because it is not a promise that is contained within circumstances or time.

But you have to intentionally trust Him.  I promise He is worthy of your trust!  The author of time uses it perfectly.  So often we can feel as though we will miss an opportunity or that our time will run short, but we cannot forget his amazing sovereignty.  His timing is perfect, always.  And the God of the Impossible will never be limited by our finite minds or circumstances.  Proverbs 18:22 promises that “a man who finds a wife finds a good thing,” and I am beyond thankful for that promise.  A man who loves you the way that Christ loves His bride is one who is meant to find you.  Don’t feel as though you have to search him out, and don’t feel as though you need to submit to anyone that steps within your path.  Your heart is more precious than rubies.  Christ’s love for His bride sent Him to die for her, and that is the love that is imparted on you.  To all of my single, beautiful, precious ladies - you are worth the wait. 

Be at rest and spend time seeking after the heart of God so that you will know how He loves you.  Do not let yourself for a moment worry about the future because here, in this moment, you already have all that you need.